Seeking Why…

“Hear my prayer, O Lord God Almighty; listen to me, O God of Jacob.”  Selah

I began focusing on this verse because I wanted to widen my memorization of  Psalm 84.  A few weeks into it I am in a place where I realize I have not been applying this Psalm to the depth of my soul.  I haven’t been talking so God could listen… (I know He does anyway, but…)

Hear my prayer and listen to me.  I’ve been talking with God a lot and yet not about me.  I’ve been in a place that praying for myself has not been my focus and you know what – it has caught up to me.  This past month, I’ve been so sad and overwhelmed and holding it mostly inside.  This past month I have experienced some hurts where I really should of let it go.  This past month I’ve have just stopped processing with the Lord.  I was forgetting the balance of praying for others and for myself.  So this morning, as I opened God’s word I started with Psalm 84 (which happens to be my all time favorite one). 

Look how it begins: 

How lovely is your dwelling place, O Lord Almighty!  My soul yearns, even faints for the courts of the Lord; my heart and my flesh cry out for the living God.

My confession – my heart and flesh have not been crying out in regards to me lately.  I have been praying like crazy for several close friends and the struggles that have been before them, but I have set aside my heart and my flesh crying out in regards to me.  It caught up to me this past Sunday as I stood in the worship service and during the singing I stood perfectly still with no emotion and no ascribing of worth to God.  Wow – okay, I was giving nothing to the Lord and clearly not praising Him.  The wall was up and until Sunday I hadn’t even realized I built the wall.   Father, forgive me for building a wall between you and me on such a personal level.  Thank you for bringing this clearly to my attention through your word!   

This Psalm offers such promise and hope – especially from a God full of forgiveness for a repenting heart and a desire to obey.  My favorite verses (5-7), remind me God is my strength, begin with the psalmist blessing those on a journey – even a journey through a waterless place – like journeying through a desert and God offers rains of blessings.  Now, it’s a whole other discussion that the blessings may not be exactly what I have asked for, but the hope is God knows with all perfection what blessings I need – whether the blessing of nothing, waiting, silence or gifts.   Tough to swallow, but truth.

About 12 years ago I heard a sermon on this passage and in my Bible I wrote “cling to God even when stuck in the ‘to’” (see verse 7).  Have I been stuck in the “to” wondering where I’d gather my strength from – yes and I’ve done it to myself, because I forgot to pray and talk to God about me.  Forgot – well, that’s an easy way out – I ignored talking about me.  Why?  Well, God and I are in the midst of talking through that and all the while He is reminding me what I say often to friends – His strength is surrounding that “to” – behind me and ahead of me as I walk this journey and there’s blessing – “just walk and talk with me, Jennifer.”

Look at the promises in verses 10 – 12 and the reminder at the very end – trust in God!  Trust Him with my own heart, Jennifer.  Trust Him with all the junk, all the sadness, all the hurt, all the joys.  He is there always surrounding me with His strength.   

Can I hear an AMEN?

 ¹ How lovely is your dwelling place, O LORD Almighty!  ² My soul yearns, even faints, for the courts of the LORD; my heart and my flesh cry out for the living God.  ³ Even the sparrow has found a home, and the swallow a nest for herself, where she may have her young— a place near your altar, O LORD Almighty, my King and my God. ⁴ Blessed are those who dwell in your house; they are ever praising you. Selah

⁵ Blessed are those whose strength is in you, who have set their hearts on pilgrimage.  ⁶ As they pass through the Valley of Baca, they make it a place of springs; the autumn rains also cover it with pools.  ⁷ They go from strength to strength, till each appears before God in Zion.  ⁸ Hear my prayer, O LORD God Almighty; listen to me, O God of Jacob. Selah

⁹ Look upon our shield, O God; look with favor on your anointed one.  ¹⁰ Better is one day in your courts than a thousand elsewhere; I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God than dwell in the tents of the wicked.  ¹¹ For the LORD God is a sun and shield; the LORD bestows favor and honor; no good thing does he withhold from those whose walk is blameless.  ¹² O LORD Almighty, blessed is the man who trusts in you.