Seeking Why…

The desert I have spent most of this winter in has brought forth some really amazing moments with God.  One of my favorites is how fresh worship songs and messages that are so very familiar to me now impacting me in powerful ways.  I think this has been a key to my current desert  – being refreshed and reminded to continue. 

I have smiled at the great reminder of John 15 and abiding in Christ, wrapped tightly to the vine, rooted deeply to the Gardner and knowing the journey through the desert is about more and more of Jesus and abiding in Him. Continue to abide, Jennifer.

I have been encouraged by the all familiar words of Proverbs 3:5-6:

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.  Continue to trust and lean on Me, Jennifer.

I have wept at the words of “Jesus Paid it All” as I see the grace and gift of His blood washing me clean.  I have wept at forgiveness of my sin and seen such unbelievable hope in what God can and will do.  I have wept at my own chains falling off, but also chains falling off precious friends.  Continue to remember, Jennifer.

I have laughed at the fact that the past two small group studies I’ve done have focused on sin and now my small group is now digging in 1 John, which is a lot about not sinning and seeking holiness.  My morning commute also contains Insight for Living and Chuck Swindoll is talking about temptations and crossroads – choosing not to sin.  Ha ha ha ha.    

My friend put it this way – the deeper we grow in our walk with the Lord, the more time in confession we spend, because we realize that we have a lot of internal junk and sin that abiding in Jesus shines light upon.  Hmmm…. Point of my desert walking? Continue to choose righteousness, Jennifer.

I have been refreshed by deep conversations with friends walking alongside of me. Continue to be thankful, Jennifer.

I have a glimpse that I’m almost finished in this desert, but then wonder why I’m rushing to get out of it?  There are still mounds of sand to walk through. 

My desert currently has mounds of sand in the form of white noise.  In many ways white noise is very helpful.  It’s calming.  It covers other noises.  It can prevent an office full of people from talking over each other or drown out nighttime noises and let you sleep.  But ultimately is it a good thing?

My life right now has a ton of white noise, including traffic, exhaustion, family heartache, work, many choices and a literal whooshing ear noise my doctors are working on figuring out.  Currently it’s my built in noisemaker that, if I allow it, drowns out much but in a “just don’t face it” mode instead of a “deal with things head on” mode. 

I have begun to realize that this “noise” of life around me has kept me in a bubble of just getting through each day, focused on other things rather than the areas God needs me to grow up. 

So do I let the white noise stop me from continuing on this desert journey?  Let it stop me from continuing in my growth?  Continuing in my surrender?  Continuing in my desire to be who God wants me to be?  Continuing to find joy in the desert as I have so many times?  Just continuing?

The answer is an obvious no!  No way will I let the noise drive me crazy.  No way will I rush away from all I have to learn.  No more sitting still stuck in white noise and trying to hide in the desert, But I will allow moments of stillness to be in God’s presence and calling to mind the hope I have in His mercies that are new every morning.